The Sommelier

…with hints of raspberry,

chocolate, citrus and

aromatic in its finish.

Cut the bullshit, please.

I taste nothing of the

kind—and the only “finish”

I get is in the heartburn

minutes later.

And no, it doesn’t pair

well with salmon, a rare

chateaubriand, 

and your cacio e pepe;

I wouldn’t even serve

it with McDonald’s

or KFC.

I can’t believe

you actually took a course

to spit this out, attempting

to impress us

with your accent—continental, you

raise your nose and call it,

your nostrils like two

assholes in the air.

If you don’t mind, I’ll

have a glass of water

from the tap, despite

the dollar charge. And no,

I don’t need a lime

wedged on the rim,

a slice of lemon

bleeding seeds,

and your boast it’s

like the springs of de Léon,

will always keep me young

between the bites, my livid

grind of teeth & bitter

scowl.

Andreas Gripp

May 15, 2025

RF Image