The Reason Nigella Lawson Booted Me from Her Kitchen

Two wrongs can make a right

and I can prove it:

to tickle a burning itch

is extremely soothing

the fishstroke in a

downpour keeps you

dry

interrupting

Jonas Kaufmann

with a yodel—

a junco that emerges

from the middle

a sauna down in

Yuma, Arizona?

Will cancel each other out in

terms of sweat.

Like an igloo that keeps you

snug in Nunavut.

and stepping on your bunions—

right after crucifixion?

A thousand splints of

Lego between yourself

& the kitchen fridge,

the jug of expired eggnog

you’ll bet enhances

anchovy stew,

your guttural scream

an aria to the congested

ears of night

Andreas Gripp

May 25, 2026

photo by S. Bachstroem / iStock